A Tale of a Miserable Moaning Little Boy

it's getting heavier day by day. yes, my college stuffs. well, the amount of time spent for studying is way less than the high school one. but things to be done right after classes... phew, those are upside-down-ing my life

no, i'm not trying to groan here. it's even fun for sure. i can explore my abilities and interests, hang with new friends around me, spend my night together rather than be alone at home. that's cool, isn't it?

but still, there's a single fvckin thing i just can't deal with...

i AM NOT able to sync myself to this new world

"So scared of getting older

I'm only good at being young"

that's what uncle John Mayer said in one of his songs

and it fits me now. totally does

so last week was the second week in the row that i couldn't go back home to jakarta. and i was so down. couldn't meet my family was a total nightmare for me

okay, two weeks. only two. lots of my friends couldn't see their family more than that. but they can survive. it had me thinking of... how if i was in their situation?

gosh, can't imagine it

i know i've got to move on

i need to get used to this sort of situation

"Singing stop this train

I wanna get off and go home again

I can't take the speed it's moving in

I know I can't

Cause now I see

I'll never stop this train"

but not now, please

i ain't ready