I'm Sorry, Captain

It took exactly three nights to get over it.
Not completely moved on, but at least it feels easier now.

Vicky Amin presents

I will never stop saying this before I start talking about Liverpool: I’m not the biggest fan. It’s not like I always watch every single game, keep up to every single updates. No. But at least I’m not a fake one. I know the players, I know the theme song, but most importantly I didn’t turn my back when the squad was down on their knees. And I’m not that kind of fan when people ask who my favorite player in Liverpool is, and I expectedly answer “Steven Gerrard.”

Well.

Steven Gerrard is, and will always be—in default, the favorite player of any Liverpudlian all over the globe. I’ve known him long ago, when I was still loving Milan, and he played for Liverpool already. Then I turned to support for The Reds in 2010. Ups and downs, with swifts in managers and legends started departing, leaving Gerrard the only classic Liverpool key left behind. But still no matter what happened, he got a good grip of the whole team, and served the most entertaining performances for the supporters.

Honestly, after Carragher left and Gerrard became the last player of Liverpool squad playing in Istanbul 2005, I’ve been having this instinct that our captain will be leaving in no time. Could be because he’s retiring, or because he’s just tired of Liverpool, or he gets amazing offers from other clubs—could literally be anything, I don’t know what, but the thing is, he’ll eventually leave.

I’m actually okay with that. With him leaving. He’s been beyond loyal to Liverpool and his devotion to the club is not questioned. It's hard, but totally tolerable. What hurt me bad was, his last two games.

Gerrard’s final match at Anfield two weeks ago was considered as the closure of his career with Liverpool. Of course, it’s a home game. The celebration was touching, the drama was epic, what went wrong was only the fact that Liverpool lost. But I was fine with that. At least he’s got his supporters for that, so either win or lose, he’d leave Anfield with endless salute. Plus, he’s still got his true one last game a week after so... There was still a chance to close his Liverpool story with nice ending.

But then, you know what happened.
Liverpool lost, big time—it’s like, raped.

After the game ended, I was just there, sitting in front of my laptop throughout a slowly-creeping, endless and quiet 15 minutes, doing nothing. Nothing but to think how is it like to be Gerrard right now.

Well I cried, honestly and I don't think I have to hide it. I cried, dramatically. When all 6 goals flashed behind Mignolet's back, when Charlie Adam celebrated over his goal to his ex-team, when Gerrard scored his last goal in Premier League ever. But of course my worse tear fell when the final whistle blew. When Gerrard clapped to honor his surroundings like a true legend, while everybody else was mocking him and his horrible last day in Liverpool.

I cried.

How could such thing happened to a legend that big?

If I were one of Liverpool players. I couldn't apologize myself for letting my captain down. But now what am I? Just a fan who sometimes watch the game, sometimes not, sometimes I feel like I’m the one who care most about the team, sometimes I don’t even give a fuck…

So all I can do is just to write this pity note.

Stating how sorry I am for the tragedy, and wholeheartedly wishing you, my beloved Captain Steven Gerrard, to have a better career ahead in the United States.

I regret that I don’t have a jersey with your name on it.
I regret I didn’t watch you when you were in Indonesia.
Speaking for all the fan who feels the same,

I’m sorry, Captain.