50%

I'm on the verge of doing something huge in my life.

Something I've never done before.

To resign from my current job, without having a new one.

I know, it sounds so crazy. Especially in this economy, in this crazy situation where looking for a job is not the easiest thing.

But I kinda already made up my mind. I already submitted my letter weeks ago, and it's just counting days until my last day and I'm officially unemployed. And now I'm in Bali, doing my huge side job which became my core excuse of resigning because this project could substitute two and a half month of my salary. A solid supplement to support my job hunting the next two months.

Sounds neat, eh?

Yeah but deep inside I'm still hesitating though. I'm still 50% sure.

Thinking whether it's a good call? Or it's just an impulsive action birthed by the disappointment of my management? Because to be honest, it's 50% true especially as my coworker sees me leaving as the act of "rage quit".

And what if the plan flops? What if after two months I haven't landed in any new jobs? And I have to use up my emergency saving which is originally to cover my mortgage? Not to mention for my own needs, and my family expenses?

As all those scenarios ran amok inside my head, while my fingers absently typed stories on the laptop keyboard... this catchy Japanese song by Official Hige Dandism played on my Spotify.

At first it was just a good song I put on my playlist this time, but as it got repeated time and time, it got me thinking, "what does this song mean?" and so I browsed the lyrics, which I didn't understand, and then searched the translated lyrics, and there I was, petrified upon the first encounter with the words.

It's not just a song.

It's an encouragement, to slow down. To not fall for the world's standard of perfection. To eventually think about yourself, let go of the burdens, stop giving 100%, and start settling at 50%.

Fuck.

How on earth could this song be here? Exactly when I'm having all these feelings, while standing on these uncertain crossroads.

競争の義務はない リングもコースもない

There's no obligation to compete, no ring, no racecourse.

It's weird that I always see something as competition. All the hustles I did all these years, which really, has been growing crazier lately, what are they for?? I punch air and kick shadows, while there's no ring. I run to be better than anyone else, while there's no racecourse. And guess what? Others don't care, apparently. They do things on their own pace so, really, what am I doing??

ってかきっと背負い込み過ぎていない？

でも下ろしたいわけじゃない？

自分の身体への問いかけを忘れてはいけない

But hey, aren't you carrying too much on your shoulders? And yet, it's not like you want to pull it all down, is it? Don't forget to check in with your body, it seems like it's the key.

I feel like stripped naked by their words. I did carry too much on my shoulders, the burden to make my parents happy, to be reliable among my colleagues, to live up to my own hopes and expectations, and yes I didn't have any plan to slow down but then at what price?

My own breath.

I didn't realize I've been running way too fast. I've always felt like I could, but it's only because I didn't listen to myself. Only after I listened to this song I realized that...

I fucking need to slow down. Not because I'm a loser, but because I need to take a breather so I can aim even better afterwards.

労って熱いハグで全体気をつけんで

休んで備えてここぞでだけで放って君の[100]％！！！

Take care of yourself with a warm hug and be careful. Rest and prepare, but only when it really matters, let go and give your 100%!!!

Even they had that in their song.

Damn you, Official Hige Dandism. I didn't know I was drawn to you for more than just your catchy tunes. You hid all these amazing meanings inside your works and delivered it spot on to one of your listeners just when he needed it the most, like a warm hug.

Thank you for the reminder.

I will take care of myself better, and be more careful.
I will rest and prepare for what's coming, whatever it is.
I will let go what's gone, take a breather, and go all out afterwards.

But as you also encouraged in this masterpiece of yours...
For now...

改めて今日から俺らは50%定位置で！

Starting today,
Let's settle at 50%

A Man with Multiple Faces

It's a phase in my life I've never seen before.

I'm still doing my job. That's one.

But actively looking for another like, really active, with all interviews and stuff. That's two.

At the same time I'm pursuing my bodycombat instructor journey, teaching 5 classes per week. And that's three.

Also dealing with my house needs which is in transition to the new management. Oh so it's four.

And ongoing with my side job as creative and social media consultant, total 12 sessions but halfway through. Five.

And lastly, just onboarded in yet another side gig, this time for travel writing, three projects in total, now hustling to find a local guide, while waiting for the next briefing. Six???

How am I doing all these at the same time?

I don't know but my friends said it's amazing.

Oh wait, not only them.

Even I, do really

Admire myself for this

リライト

Guess what.

The last time I went to a concert was in 2019. End of 2019 actually, just before the pandemic so no wonder, right? And it was a festival, not even an individual concert. I couldn’t really recall when was the last time I went to an actual one-musician-show concert, the last blog post I had for this was back in 2016 for God’s sakes!

The point is, it’s been TOO LONG since the last time I went to a real concert. The one that only showcases ONE artist be it a solo or a band. The one that doesn’t require stages changing and schedule planning. Yet I didn’t really notice that, until I saw this announcement.

 

At first...

I was surprised by the fact that...
This is freaking ASIAN KUNG-FU GENERATION.

Honestly I was not yet a big fan of them -was, because now, of course I fucking am now!- but they are a part of my childhood and early adulthood during my long-running Naruto era. And I know that they really are a big name in Japanese rock music industry so of course seeing that poster the first time I told myself,

“You’re going, Vick. You’re going, and you’re gonna be screaming Haruka Kanata out of your heart and throat.”

So I bought the ticket out of my sheer desire to pay homage to one of my childhood anime musicians. Nothing else, all pure for Naruto. I even thought straight in planning which outfit I’ll be wearing, disregarding the fact that I had a bigger homework to do: memorizing their hit songs.

Oh that “memorizing their hit songs” phase. 2-months full of cramming Ajikan’s songs into my ears and abusing my soul with sudden Japanese rock tunes. In Jakarta, in Bali, then back in Jakarta then back in Bali then straight to the concert venue.

At first there were only five biggest hit songs I crammed into my daily life, two of which I knew already. Then I warned myself that this wasn’t enough. Obviously. So I added five more after thorough research on the internet and Spotify listeners rank. After trying hard to get myself used to those 10 songs and its lyrics -of course I had to memorize the lyrics also, I wanted to sing along!- I began to realize that, no, this was still not enough.

So upon my second trip to Bali during this “memorizing their hit songs” phase, I added 10 more songs -TEN!! HAHA I WAS SO DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT THIS “SCREAMING AJIKAN’S SONGS OUT OF MY HEART AND THROAT” THING!- to the total of 20 songs, all played endlessly on my way to, across the streets and beaches in, and then back from Bali.

Then...

It came to my realization that...
I think I fell in love with AJIKAN.

How did I not? The songs played as the background to my WHOLE trip. Whether I realized which title was playing or not, it all played. So it subconsciously lingered to my brain. And it kept playing through my subconsciousness even when my Spotify is off, and it kept playing in my head even when I was asleep.

Rock music is not actually my main forte. But Ajikan already stole my heart with their Naruto appearances so somehow, I could tolerate their music. And eventually not just ‘tolerate’—I could actually find pleasure in their songs. Each title has a certain part that I love the most, which makes me excited to anticipate the coming of that part, which eventually, makes me love all the other parts as well. Is this how those Japanese rock music bands lure their fans??? I think so.

But really, it’s not just about the feeling. When I broke each songs down elements by elements, I somehow figured that I love every details of them. The overall moods are energizing. Not just regular energizing, but anime-opening-credit energizing. You can feel the difference if you watch anime.

The instruments are all beautifully crafted to the point that I thought to myself, “I could really enjoy these instruments alone even without the singer takes part in the song”. And surprisingly, I could’t wait to listen to those instruments on the live concert—something I rarely anticipated from a musician! The vocal, oh the vocal... Gohto-san is such a godly rock star indeed. And the fact that these songs are so compact none of them are overly repeated and none of them has a boring stretched part, I didn’t know how they consistently do it!

It’s crazy.

Crazy to think that I can be easily falling into their music. Crazy to think of, why on earth didn’t I listen to their songs years and years earlier? At this point I could’ve been a freakier fan, purchasing their most expensive ticket, fighting for their meet-and-greet session, gulping their official merchandises, wearing them proudly on the floor while screaming the loudest among the crowds as if I’m their number one groupie and know them the best.

But that’s okay. I was not that late yet. I still got to see them and catch their concert, and be that freaky fan in my own spontaneous way now that I grew stronger love towards them.

And so I left Bali, still with those 20 songs playing non-stop through my AirPods, back to Jakarta where the first concert of Asian Kung-fu Generation would take place, exactly the next day.

Oh the concert...

It's gon' be a long one as well so...

Let's rewrite it in another post.

Sounds of Qatar: The Late Check-in

Oh wow.

I don't know what else to say.

The World Cup has always been the forte of this blog. Take a look on all the posts I made for WC2010. I was talking shit the whole month as if I know stuff about football. And then WC2014. I got 'worse'. The blog labels for Brazil are even among the highest which means I talked even more shit during the tournament. I got a bit more slowed down during WC2018. It started as usual, super fired up at the group stage, but then adulthood hit and the next entry I submitted after my last group stage post was the "Thank You World Cup 2018" shenanigan.

Today, the World Cup 2022 has already been underway.

And look what I did? Nothing. Not even the "Welcome World Cup 2022" post like what I had always done in South Africa, Brazil, and Russia — which by the way, is what I'm doing now.

But seriously, how sad is it???

This used to be something I really look forward to. Now I'm too caught up in so many adulting shit I didn't even realize that the tournament was coming. I didn't even have time to update my blog regularly, the last one being 2018!?

Plus, this time is in Asia for God's sakes. I should've been more excited than ever gak sih!?!? How could I be so updated in every single matches in South Africa, so willing to stay late to catch important matches in Brazil, and at least keep up with most of the games even though I didn't update regularly in Russia!? Well I know the answer to those rhetorical questions but still, this one is Asia, how could I not have more excitement to welcome the hospitality of Qatar???

Pic's from here.

Well I can't blame it all on me.

At least here I am now, trying to redeem my absence in my blog even though the group stage of WC2022 is about to be all wrapped. Yea, I've skipped the first half of the tournament ugh...

Okay so here it is.

Let me make some attempts to do this.
For the sake of the old me's

Vicky's Dirty Thirty

Oh yeah, still talking about this shit.

Sorry not sorry, because we're entering March. My birth month. I have this can't-let-go habit where I turn to this blog whenever I'm reaching a certain milestone in my life. And being thirty is not just a milestone, it's a HUGE MILE-FUCKING-STONE so... here I am, bragging a lot about this.

Anyways.

Remember my plan to have fun and all dancing before turning 30? Yea it turned to be a rubbish. I was being innocent and naive, thinking that Covid will be rid soon. You know what happened: the fucking pandemic had been on and off and on and off it gave uncertainty to everyone throughout my days of being 29 so... none of those plans happened.

Well it was partly my fault anyway because, who's smart enough to plan all those ambitious dances while at the same time being busy with works and workshops and on top of all spent 3 months in total living in Bali? Me.

Then entering 2022, I began to realize that... Gosh, I only have three full months to meet all my different circles and fulfill that dream goal I set a year ago! 

Super.

So yea! No more stoopid snoozing.
And that's where I began planning this:

Operation Dirty Thirty.

I started to write down the list of my circle - whose WhatsApp groups are pretty active and that's how I thought about them - and sending codes to meet them. Of course I brought up the idea of me wanting to have fun because I'm turning 30, just so it caught their attention.

Some reacted with huge enthusiasm, some were just responded out of courtesy, and some others were kind of wondering why out of the blue I was the one initiating to meet where usually I just tagged along lol. Well this is ME who's turning 30, okay, so of course I'm the one who should be more proactive.

Again, due to the fucking pandemic, those who responded earlier agreed to meet but, sadly, only casually. No dancing and boozing involved. Damn. But hey I couldn't complain because this weird ops aside, I'm actually missing these people. I couldn't remember where and when was the last time I actually met them in person! So of course I agreed to that plan and thanks to that, two of my circles were officially crossed off of my list.

Traveloka Flocks

CMUNNY Delegates

That leaves me with three more circles to go: High School Gang, Ogilvy Survivors, and Lazada Mates—all has to be done within this month. *chuckles* Sounds crazy, eh? Three different circles in less than 30 days, all should include dancings and drinkings?

Well at first I thought it was, but, somehow I came up with a plan just EXACTLY LAST NIGHT.

Involving apartments - yes, plural - renting, a bit of event organizing, schedule fitting, works hijacking, family compromising, and, a little bit too much of ambitious sprinkling. And according to that overnight plan, this should start exactly this weekend. The first weekend of March.

Oh and on top of that, I'm planning to go to Bali mid-March to do something I don't feel like disclosing for the time being, but then I realized I could use this opportunity to ask my friends there to complete this operation and add up more circles to have fun with!

Gosh.

I never thought my 30th birthday would extend to be a 30th birth-MONTH plan. I'm genuinely excited, and a bit grateful also, for not doing it last year and just gather everything to a compact 27-day ops like this! Now this March would be even more special than others!

Really hoping that all goes well this month because...

I feel dirty already for turning thirty.
So please just let me enjoy the preparation of it.

Dirty-less-ly