Best I Ever Waste

If you track back to the past few years in this blog, you can make one conclusion when it comes to talking about Ramadan.

That it felt so quick that it left so soon, faster and faster every year.

Well I know it's just my subconscious mind talking, because time is constant. But I guess I should give in to the fact that it will always happen every year, because, I don't know, maybe I've matured enough that I now understand the true meaning of Ramadan, and that makes me enjoy every single second of that month? I don't know. What I know is that as years go by, it gets easier for me to go through the holy month, it gets clearer for me why we have to do fasting, and it the inside of me urges myself to do all the prayers that I tried so hard to deny doing as a kid.

That sounds like a good spiritual progress to me right?

Yea, right.

Internally, I may sound ready to face Ramadan every day. Externally, I feel like it's me against the world.

Because my works are crazy.

So crazy I didn't even have time to breathe. And everything seemed to pile up exactly this month. Lots of deliverables and deadlines, three shooting days and countless editings, countless proof-readings, countless meetings, I swear I gave a lot of time for these works. I only managed to do two tarawih's. I only got to break the fast with my family on the weekend. I did only two iftar reunions, one of which was even with my coworkers so I don't think I should count it...

I'm not trying to complain here because I love my jobs. It's my choice and I actually enjoy what I'm doing so if I'm blaming my jobs, it'll feel like I'm a two-faced heartless bytch trying to manipulate the situation and make it seem like I'm the vulnerable victim--so no, I'm not blaming my jobs.

I just want to express my... well how do I put this up? My grief?

My grief of how things didn't work out the way it's supposed to be ideally working. The grief of... why, just when I feel like I'm spiritually ready to face Ramadan with complete willingness, when I feel like I don't want to miss out more prayers in a day, when I feel like I'm in my BEST self... I couldn't do it, and WASTED the momentum instead?

If you track back to the past few years in this blog, you can make one other conclusion when it comes to talking about Ramadan.

That when it left so soon, it broke my heart.

This year it breaks even worse, because I know I wasted something that could easily be the best. Call me a saint, call me a pious or what not. But I've never felt so broken to be left by yet another Ramadan.

May Allah give me blessing this Eid.

And let me and my family say hi to Ramadan again.

Next time I'll try harder

It's Never Been This Hard

I won't take much time talking about this.

I won't drag myself too deep in this "misery"

Because this has to be the time of joy, ideally...

So,

Ramadan has officially gone.

I don't know but it felt so hard for me this year. It's just been so gracious from the very first day. Each meal I took, each suhoor religious show I watched, that ONLY tarawih prayer I had at the mosque -I'm so glad that I at least did once, that last tajil I bought at nearby traditional market with mom, that takbiran night dinner hosted at my house where all my relatives came, that visit to my grandparents' house -which is supposed to be normal, but seemed extra grand this year, that extended vacation I had with my family and all the things that we did in between, oh God, it felt so great!

Yet now it's all over.

And I don't know why I'm feeling so down about this, because we expected this to happen every year, and to end a month after. I don't know, maybe because I've grown up? That now I see the true essence of Ramadan, not only as the month of not eating and drinking like the thought I used to have 10 years back? Maybe.

Well whatever happens, I love it.

I love how I now see Ramadan differently. See my month in a better perspective. That when it's gone, I fall in a deep grief. And that when it's about to come next year, I won't no longer think

"Oh no... Here comes again that

Hard month of the year"

So Much Win

On the last race,

I told you that "I'd not write each and every single race because well it'll be boring no?" Yea, it will be, indeed. But sorry I have to break that thought. Because this one is grand. No, I won't treat this one like the last one. I still think Canadian GP served a hell lot more exciting drama.

So yea no I won't talk about how Azerbaijan GP started really boring at the beginning, and how the three safety cars almost sent me to sleep, also the red flag that made me call this GP "A Debris Race", and Max's unfortunate luck went on, and both Force India guys blast to top and dropped low in just seconds and the drama between Vettel and Hamilton got much spicier and how they lost their P1-P2 thrones and Massa made it to P3 but had to retire eventually and Alonso and McLaren finally scored points and Bottas stole the second podium in the fvcking last second before the checkered flag, and no, I'm not even going to brag how Stroll surprisingly made it into podium and became the youngest driver ever to get up there.

No.

Instead, I want to talk about how this came to be an awesome GP in my own sense. Yes, I want this one to be a bit biased, not fact-based. Because I'm going to talk more about one driver I've been a fanboy of. He's

Daniel Ricciardo

Come to think of it, I never actually dedicate a post for him.

Pic's from here.

So yea, introducing my favorite driver. The protagonist to my Super F1 Drama. The Player One to my Racing Game. The main character to my--okay, enough, Vicky.

I actually kinda lost track in how I decided to idolize him. Maybe it was after Monaco last year. When he was fighting for first -or second?- with Hamilton -or Rosberg?- and for the first time ever I screamed so manly for an outstanding F1 head-to-head battle. Then Singapore happened. Malaysia happened. 2016 was so amazing that the next thing I knew, I was all into him.

But nothing came closer to what he did in Baku just now.

Started 10th, went into pit way too early, then slowly crawling his ass all the way up front, cutting three cars and stayed 3rd until the top 2 decided to pit while he proceeded to the top and managed to secure his spot until the finish line.

Best performance of his so far for me,

And I feel like I chose the right driver.

Because that's always been my nature in supporting something in sport. I always pick the second best or maybe third best team, so I won't get bored too quick and I'm used to being lost. Yet once I'm winning, it's like I get a surprising mega bonus in a quiz game or something. And it's exactly what Daniel is all about. He's not always on top 3, but he's always around the top so my hopes and emotions are rollercoaster-ing throughout the whole season!

And, here comes the weird irrational yet personal reason: Daniel's wittiness is entertaining. And sometimes I can relate to that because I'm also like that! It's like, if we're friends, we'll be like Beavis and Butthead. Mortdecai and Rigby. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK--and I swear, I've been dreaming of the scene a lot HAHA wth why am I writing this and letting the world know that I'm a freak?

This is exactly a pose I'd strike when I'm overwhelmed with blessings.
My all-time fave Daniel Ricciardo pic, and I got it here.

Ah well who cares, maybe it's the after-Baku-euphoria talking. I'm just too overjoyed seeing Daniel on podium today, not only being the third like what he's done for the last three races, but FIRST PLACE for God's sake.

And you know what's better?

That it all happened on exactly one happy day. Yes, the race that Daniel is winning, happened on the same day with Eid, a closing celebration I've always been so fond of.

I started good, started fresh, not expecting anything nicer because family and religious atmosphere did shower me with blessing, and when this happened, I feel like today is created just for me.

God,

Eid Mubarak all the way,

Vicky Amin!

Happy Eid Mubarak, Yet?

This year's Lebaran will be slightly different from previous ones.

Yea I went mudik already. To Cirebon, of course, where else?

Turns out that the other families of my big family had already planned their own Lebaran trip and won't possibly come to Cirebon during the holiday. So why bother coming, my family thought?

But we have to.

Every year, we have to.

So yea last weekend, the weekend I supposed to have at home, celebrating my first joyful weekend after spending my first occupied week working, sitting-by-the-desk-doing-nothing-kind-of working, I went on a road trip instead. Like a "pay in advance" kind of trip.

At first, got to be honest -and dad, please don't be mad yet,

I was totally bummed and hoped that I could skip the trip.

But one thing led to another, and eventually,

I enjoyed the trip.

The whole trip was set just like we were having the real ones. By car, shifting in driving -and yea, I got the least portion of the shift, drifting through the same roads and streets we usually passed, overall, the ambient, the euphoria, it was all, all the exact same with Lebaran days.

What made it memorable was the culinary trip. We never miss the signature dishes Cirebon has, and those dishes never fail my tummy. So we had ayam bahagia, nasi jamblang, mie koclok and some nice Sundanese meals for lunch before heading home. Damn I'm hungry.

So yea, that's how we eat. You pick what you like, and pay at the end. And it's so cheap :')

But you know what, the best part is not yet to be told. Well I'm telling now.

Long ago, before my grandma passed away, we always stayed in this hotel named Cirebon Plaza. After her funeral, grandpa built a small house near the graveyard and forced us the whole family to anually stay there during Lebaran. But things changed quiet much lately, and we tend to celebrate Lebaran in Jakarta more often.

But for this trip, my mother booked rooms on the hotel. The. Hotel.

We were all so excited, it's been a while since the last time staying there.

It rebuilt the memories of my childhood, with my brothers, cousins, everyone.

God. I'm a little bit carried away typing these stuff.

It kinda broke my heart seeing grandma's tomb yesterday.

Knowing that this Lebaran, I can't pay her a visit.

I know I paid her in advance, as I said.

But still...

The Local Battlefield

"Tapi kenangan yang gue lewatin menjelang,
selama dan pasca Lebaran nya itu tuh..."

-- The Previous Post

Yes! Menindaklanjuti quote gue itu, gue masih punya satu cerita yang macho banget buat dibagi. Anyway, it's macho like literally.

Gue kan mudik ke Cirebon. Selesai dari kota gersang nan panas membara itu, keluarga gue sama sepupu gue mau lanjut ke Bandung. Emang dadakan sih, dan mental juga udah siap kalo gak dapet hotel. Jadi daripada berharap banyak, rencana kita di Bandung paling cuma nongkrong bentar trus caw.

Nah di perjalanan, di daerah Tomo, mobil menepi di swalayan. Pengen nambah stok cemilan sama minuman gituloooh. Jadi gue, adek gue yang gede sama bokap turun buat belanja belanji. Gak lama, sepupu gue nyusul buat laporan kalo ternyata mobil kita 'dicium' sama mobil sebelah yang baru mau mundur.

Situasi mulai memanas. Sepupu gue gak terima, dia udah minta ganti rugi -padahal nih ya, mobil gue kagak lecet samsek- plus nyita STNK plus ngajakin hengot di kantor polisi terdekat. Si sopir udah pasrah aja gitu, mau dipukul juga silahkeun. Nah disini nih, mulai deh warga sekitar yang kepo dan sok ikut campur berdatangan.

Ada nih satu bocah berbaju putih -yang selanjutnya akan disebut dengan istilah 'tengil'- yang emang tengil banget. Bukan siapa-siapa tapi sok ngatur. Nah sepupu gue yang emang lagi emosi, gak suka nih ama tingkah si tengil. Jadilah kita yang tadinya udah siap meluncur ke kantor polisi, berenti lagi dan sepupu gue turun nyamperin si tengil dan langsung dijotos men!

Gue udah susah payah nih cuy ngelerai mereka, eh adek gue yang gede tiba-tiba udah muncul aja di arena pertarungan, pukul-pukulan sama si tengil. Ketika lagi sibuk melerai adek gue dan si tengil, dari kejauhan terdengar lagi keramaian yang baru. Ternyata adek gue yang cilik lagi gebuk-gebukan sama seorang bapak dongo berbaju biru yang beraninya ama bocah.

Wah gela seru parah. Gue udah narik sepupu gue balik ke mobil, trus lari buat narik adek gue, eh sepupu gue mulai berantem lagi. Gue narik adek gue yang gede, eh adek gue yang kecil turun lagi. Gitu-gitu aja mulu cem ngangon anak ayam. Mana mereka kebon binatangnya keluar semua kan. Untung gue imbangi dengan menyebut nama Allah supaya kami semua dilindungi dan pertengkaran itu diridhoi.

Yang kubu sananya juga makin riuh. Udah sampe ambil batu segala kan. Untung dari merekanya juga ada yang ngelerai, semacem gue nya gitu. Sampe akhirnya adek-adek gue udah pada masuk, nyokap turun dan sepupu gue ditampar baru selesai semuanya. Maap-maapan dulu, minal aidin abis lebaran trus STNK si sopir -sumpah ye, dia yang salah nyerempet mobil kita malah dianya yang sehat wal afiat kagak ikutan berantem- dibalikin dan kita melipir pergi sebelum itu warga manggilin konco-konconya.

Ahhhh gak nyangka adek-adek gue petakilan begitu. Kalo gue kena pukul, mungkin gue bakal ikutan. Tapi gue anaknya gaenakan sih. Sebenernya mau-mau aja gue ikutan berantem, tapi gimana ya, ngeliat tiga sodara gue itu udah turun tangan, kalo gue ikut-ikutan kan kasian bokap kerjaannya banyak fuufufu. Sumpah itu bukan alesan doang yeeee.

Yassalaam, jadi banyak banget kan tulisannya. Semoga dibaca deh ya, gue sendiri bingung gimana cara motong ceritanya biar gak jadi tulisan semua. Tapi ini udah summary nya banget kok, kalo dijabarin ampe detil bisa meledak blog gue.

The thing is, now I know that my brothers are worth to be counted on.

Yea yea, know I'm the eldest but so what if I have 'em got my back?

Nothing wrong, eh?

Something to be Grateful About

Lebaran nya sih emang udah lewat seminggu. Tapi kenangan yang gue lewatin menjelang, selama dan pasca Lebaran nya itu tuh... Ih kalo gue bikin buku langsung ludes kali tuh dalam itungan detik fuuufufufu lebay deh mulai.

Oke, speaking of Lebaran, pasti dimulai dari malam takbiran. Jujur, selama 20 tahun 5 bulan 18 hari gue hidup, gapernah sekalipun yang namanya gue bermalam takbiran diluar rumah, keliling komplek atau arak-arakan sambil meneriakkan asma asma Allah.

Apalagi sama temen. Temen SMA.

Most of which I hadn't met for a long time.

Jadilah kemaren gue bertakbiran ria bareng Werdhi, Ocit, Fani sama Capung. Karena gajelas mau kemana, akhirnya kita memutuskan buat jemput Muthe di bandara. And guess what. Kita pun takbirannya di jalan tol. Buka kaca rame-rame, teriak-teriak mengumandangkan kebesaran nama Allah di jalanan yang semestinya gak ada suara manusianya.

Gak di tol aja, pas lagi padat merayap di daerah Kalimalang pun, we did just the same. Rombongan anak-anak ucul yang naik mobil pikep aja sampe kalah pamor sama suara mahadahsat kita berenam.

Seru banget ya Tuhan. Gue sampe menitikan air mata karena akhirnya bisa dengan lantang memanggil-manggil nama-Nya -padahal sebenernya nangis karena mata ketiup angin saking kencengnya itu mobil gerak di jalan tol- bersama teman-teman tersayang.

Dan asiknya ngumpul sama temen-temen adalah, gak peduli besoknya mau ada momen fitrah bermaaf-maafan, tetep aja itu mobil isinya cela-celaan satu sama lain. Hmm gak satu sama lain sih, cuma satu orang aja yang dicela fuuuufufufufuu.

Too bad we didn't take any pictures.

But yea who cares, I captured the moment mentally.

And cherish them wholeheartedly

P.S. : Hari itu juga terakhir gue ketemu sama Werdhi karena beberapa hari setelahnya, dia pindah ke Semarang. Hmm... Our circle would be awkward without him nearby ._. Ah well, goodluck pal :')