Brag About Guilt

Have you ever heard of term "gaenakan"? It's like, you want to do something, or you want to stand against something, whatever it is as long as it's related to others, and you feel guilty about it... That is "gaenakan".

Well I suffer that. I always try my best to please people. Set their mood on their best place. Show my sorry to everybody I did wrong to, even a tiny little mistake, by making it up to them so perfect and smooth, they don't even realize I'm actually paying back my faults. And I never brag about that.

While in fact, people piss me off their whole life. I'm talking about everybody. My family, my friends, everybody. They don't even know that when I do such things to them, I'd feel guilty as hell. They don't know, because I never brag about that.

People just take "gaenakan" people for granted.

They know we're too soft, too gentle to fight back,

So yeah, nothing to lose, then they use us.

I guess I know why that happens.

We never brag about that, that's why.

Sometimes I wanna be mad, I wanna be rough. I wanna be the one who's concerned, not who concerns. I wanna be the one who's waited for, not who waits for others. I wanna be the one who apologizes, not the one whom apologized to.

I wanna make mistakes,
Let people down, and
Never feel bad about it.

But I can't be mad, I can't be rough.

All because I'm feeling guilty way too much.

I know it harmed me a lot, but I just can't help it.

Maybe I should feel guilty for myself