No Worries, You're Doing Good

"Realizing that you're closer to 30 than to 16, and you're screwed."

This is one of the scariest quote I ever read. Both numbers are like, two of the most important numbers in life. One is the age where you depart from childhood to early adulthood, and the other one is the age where you have to be all ready for maturity. I've passed the first one, and I am now halfway to the second one.

I came across that quote several months ago, then I freaked out because, damn, I'm so close to being 30. But when I did my math, I cooled down a little. I was still 23, so it made me right in the very middle—7 years to 16, 7 years to 30. No need to feel screwed. Yet.

I laughed as if I would still be 23 forever.

Until finally last week, the number left me.

Yes, I birthday-ed. 24 took over.

And now I'm closer to 30

If you don't get it, the greeting means "awww, 24, really???"

Honestly, I kinda lost the excitement of welcoming birthday because of this. Because of this feeling. Because of this fvcking quote that now I'm hating. I'm drifting away much further from teenagehood, and shifting ridiculously closer to the phase where I should think about settling down. No more irresponsible tidbits. No more reckless trips.

Things got a little rougher thanks to one of my dearest friends. He wished me a happy birthday, and to have a joyful last year of being "18-24". Got it? The age group in registration forms and stuff? Yes, it's my last year belonged to the group. Next year I'll be under "25-35", and it didn't even come to my mind until last week!

Plus, exactly on my birthday, I tuned in the TV and caught an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. It was "The One Where Everyone Turns 30". Fuck, yeah? What are the odds? I know it sounds like I made it up, but trust me, it happened. Well they turned 30 while I turned 24, but still, the feeling, it was all the same!

If I could whine a little, this year shouldn't be hard like this. It should be next year. The time when I'm in the middle of my 20s. The time I can consider as my silver age. Now with all these universe conspiracies, I think I must give in to feel the "dark moment" a year earlier.

But then again,
Come to think of it,

Well, it's okay.

Because looking back to what I achieved so far, I shouldn't have fallen too deep for this. It's not that I've been doing nothing all these times, that I should be worried of getting older.

As a matter of fact, I did quiet a bunch. Two published books, kickass trips, overseas internship -this is the best thing I ever done in my life, good career, good money. I should be grateful instead of anxious. I've successfully completed many things that most of my friends, or people my age -or even older- never even think about doing.

I went to an interview several weeks ago -in which position I failed winning because of some salary disagreement, and these interviewers -there were four of them, for God's sake- asked me what kind of thing I was currently aiming for. Without further ado, I chose "money". Not because I'm materialistic, nor because I had nothing else in my mind but money, no, not those. I then told those people that money was what I was aiming for, because

"I felt like I've done much. I've fulfilled many of my passions, accomplished most of my dreams, and now I feel like I want something more realistic."

And then I smiled to myself, in front of those people. I smiled because I just realized how I was so true about that answer. About how I've been here and there, doing this and that, while people my age were struggling with their office hours and boring routines. I took granted of how ambitious I was, yet so powerful and driven that whatever my ambitions were,

I could reach it.

My first ever permanent job.

Covered in Fashion TV Magazine.

Trip to Harapan.

Trip to Pahawang.

Trip to Krakatau.

Published on MyTrip Magazine. Great timing, because exactly one week after...

You know this scene: my second book.

And exactly one day after I showed my new book, I had to say a temporary goodbye...

To have this beyond amazing Japan trip.

Then I returned to Indonesia, went back and forth to Bali (this pic was Ceningan tho)

Until finally I wrapped up my last days of being 23 in Singapore.

Well.

Not sure if I've given credit to myself but umm, here goes: I'm so proud of me. And now I don't feel like I need to fear being 24. Because being older means that I have to achieve more, and unlock more potentials in me.

And oh hell yeah, I'm looking forward to that.
So no worries, Vicky, you're doing good.

Plus, on that episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S I was talking about, Rachel's boyfriend Tag was 24 -she turned 30—THIS EPISODE WAS MEANT FOR ME. He was still playing with the scooter, unsure about his life, and the gang (especially Rachel) still sees him as a youngster.

One of the scenes I hate so much because they're actually really cute together.
Now I hate it even more because I'm turning 24. Pic's from here.

So really,

Vicky, oh my dear,

Really there is no need

To feel screwed

Second Child

Second child is something.

I looked up to my aunts from mom and dad. Both are the second child of their own sibling lines. Aunt from mom, she's a fighter. From what I see now, and from what mom told me about her, she is, was, and I'm pretty sure she'll always be damn tough. Then my aunt from dad, she's the central of my big family's attention. A determined lady I've ever known in my life.

But they're just a glimpse of what I know about second child. My complete belief, of course, comes from my own little brother. A nerve-wrecking guy. Independent as fvck. A kind of guy we can rely on.

Now what is this second child thingy all about?

Well, it's because I want those qualities from my closest second-child relatives, to be inside my very own second child:

"Cheating Hong Kong and Macau"

Don't ask me how,

I could barely believe myself.

Right after my trip to Hong Kong and Macau, I didn't waste even one second and started working on this book right away. Then I sent it to the same publisher I did my first book with, and the next thing I knew, we were doing the book process all over again.

By that time I got a job already. Several jobs, actually. So the editing process was somehow pretty packed. But still, I enjoyed it like, hey, I'm doing this again, which means that I will have another book displayed on the book store!

So I made it through everything, and did the same scheme I conducted last year. Bringing my family to lunch, forced them to the bookstore, and entered the book right before their faces. It took us another 30 minutes photo session just by the bookshelf, but hey, who cares.

What I cared is to see this spark of pride on their eyes.

This sense of trust about my bright bright future.

Oh this is a good sign.

My second child will be the point where my family begins to let me go. To let me do whatever I want to do. To let me off to the world. Which I actually am doing now, as this second I'm currently in Japan for the pursuit of my travel writing career.

Japan? But how--when--why--

Soon, okay, soon I'll tell you all.

Right now is about my book

And how to wish him the best

For what he's doing in Jakarta.

While I'm doing my best here

In Tokyo

Who's Getting a Book Now

Hey blog, what's up?

HAA hahaha yeess I'm talking to you again now. Wow--what?? Are you accusing me of been hiding something from you again and this post is the part when I'm confessing?? How could you do that to--okay, yes, I'm here to confess something again.

Sorry I been concealing this for so long but,

I actually been working on my own traveling book.

And since it's out in the bookstore now, there's no harm telling.

Well, in my defense, I kept sending you signals that I planned to make a book out of my Vietnam trip ya!? Let's take a break and look back to my posts about Vietnam. See? See? See!? I said, "Well I'm sorry I can't tell much about it. I have plans of where to spill more things about Vietnam." didn't you get what it means?

Okay whoa sorry I'm here to confess and apologize now, not to make a scene.
And maybe to briefly tell you how this magical thing could actually happen to me.

Trip to Vietnam was too affecting for me. It was crazy unforgettable, with all stuff I did alone, all people I met along the way, God, I can't just waste it, I talked to myself. So I had this idea to record everything in a form of a book. Because I know, a blog couldn't -and wouldn't- hold all details anyway.

Spent the whole February and half of March working on everything from A to Z, before I finally sent it to a publisher. At first I didn't expect them to want to publish the script I proposed because, they're like the top publisher in here. But then, God really loved me because it was reaching my birthday when they mailed me back, telling me that they were interested to work on the script. I was trembling all week long.

Since after that, the times of struggling kept coming. Worked on the revisions, checked and edited the proof, I did so many editorial stuff I never even learned before. Those were actually fun because, it was what I like! What's not fun was, the waiting process. When I couldn't do anything about it, but to wait and to keep myself in the loop about the on going stages.

Until last week, my editor said that the book was going to be out on Monday, August 25th. It drove me crazy. I don't know why, I mean, I knew it'd eventually be released, it was not a shocking-unexpected news. But then, ya, I was totally energized. But the climax happened on Friday, August 22nd.

I was passing by the bookstore, and slowing down near the traveling section, when I saw a blue book I knew I was so familiar with. Because I've been too many times exposed to that cover. Because I was the one approving that cover. Because that was the cover of my book.

I went out of control. Flashed straight to the nearest praying room and cried in joy. All the waitings, finally paid off. But still I have to wait for the best time to show this book to my family. And then to everybody, right after my family. Because of course, I'd want to show that first to my family.

So last Sunday I brought them to the bookstore. It was a really weird invitation because at first my brother didn't really want to come -he's not a really big fan of books- but I somehow insisted all four of them to join me to the bookstore. They gave in tho, maybe because I started to be all nerdy and freaky. Then I walked them to the traveling section. Stopped near my book, turned around and face everybody before saying,

"Guys, all these times, I wasn't unemployed
for nothing. I made this."

Then entered my book. Right to their faces. Their stunned faces. Seeing my name written on the cover. Dad was speechless, mom cried. My brothers started shaking my hands awkwardly. We spent like almost half an hour taking photos of the book. And me.

Crazy day. I've been dreaming about that scene since, wow, I don't know when. I always pictured it before I slept, when I was doing nothing, basically, almost all the time. And it went the way I wanted it to go.

That day, and that August 22nd,
And that day when I got the emails from my editor,

God, will forever be in me.

"Cheating Southern Vietnam"

Never thought I could go through everything. Alone.
Well, not that alone because I always have a place to lean on.

So thank you, Allah Almighty.

You're Not Lost

Hey readers, sup?

Well umm... I think I'm going to apologize

That lately, everything's all about football.

Seriously I can't control myself on this. Exactly three hours before the kick off I doubted myself if I still have my desire to watch the Cup or not. But you see what came next? Tons of smart-ass talkings about football crowded my blog. Consecutively. And I even have like three unwritten topics that'll be released when the time's right.

Okay so what I'm going to say now is, that you're still on my blog, buddy. I'm the same guy who writes about dumb stuff, but happen to be on the euphoria of busy-ing myself with football. It's just, I'm crafting something for my future me to read back soon. Like in a year or two, I want to re-feel Brazil, yes, that's when these football-analyst-like posts will be browsed again.

I'm bringing this up because I'm on this level where my blog could possibly be visited by my future employer. You know, I graduated, it's time to work like a real professional, so I sent away tons of applications and this blog is like my portfolio to convince them how lustful -and good- I am in writing. In English.

So yes, my future bosses, my soon-to-be co-workers,

You're now on the blog the address I put in my resume.

I'm here, if you need a help :)

Who's Getting Older Now

Hey blog, what's up?

Long time not talking to you. Well, actually I been too much posting lately but did you realize? I was talking to the readers, not you. So by this, before we all got too carried away, I'm dedicating my time, and my post, to talk with you, my dearest blog.

So. Best, friend...

You might have been wondering, why I don't seem to be interested in... Getting a job? Wha--you seriously thought that I'll be forever living my childhood, too afraid of jumping in the professional world like what I've always been afraid of all these years??

No, I'm not! Unless yes, I'm scared. But no I won't forever be trapped in my childhood, although yes, I want to be forever young but--okay. Now I'm talking to myself.

But hey, blog, I wanna confess something.
That I, actually sort of joined to a temporary project
I call myself as a, well how do we say it... A part-time job?

Don't get mad, it's not something that big. I took this project simply because I needed the money. You know it wasn't easy to fly my ass to Philippines. And you know that I won't forget sharing every single baby step I take to build my life, don't you? Sweetheart?

So ya that's also why I'm here.
Because today, I got an interview.

Don't you see how big this is to me? A real, professional job interview! Like what I've always seen Rachel Green doing! I'm one step closer to the real world! I'm growing up! An adult! A responsible adult! With a family, and obligations to pay taxes, and three other persons I have to support! That's right where I'm heading :)

So today I went to the office.
Interviewed by an expat and her subordinate.

Got that now? First interview ever.
With two people asking. Using English.

I either should be proud, or crying for how complicated the first interview was, but to be honest, I enjoyed it. The interviewers were easygoing, we laughed and stuff -is that supposed to be a good sign?- and I might want to consider the interview as a regular-laid-back talk! Also the field is in my competence. The topic is totally my interest. The money, well we didn't discuss the money because, I'm not yet sure anyway.

Ya, the current project I'm having now is not yet to be finished until next month. Yet those people is urgently in need of a new employee. So it's not a good situation to me now.

But ya, there are plenty of clams in the sea.
It's not that I'm rejected tho, they loved me instead!
Well, that's what I sensed along and after the interview...

I'm okay. I have been, and I will be.
Getting older's fun, so far

Where To?

You may noticed that lately, before the one-week vacuum, the posts I produced were all about childhood and childish stuff. Yea right, agree? I'm having this phobia of growing up...

When I stepped out of the trial room, it felt like
Okay this is it I'm free! I'm finally fvckin free!
Although the fact is, now I'm on the verge of

Getting into reality

Long ago I was so sure that after college I'll go straight to working. Then after a year or two, I'll be off to postgraduate stuff before I continue my professional world.

It was so firm until I talked to a friend, had my mind opened about how easy it would be for me to get a scholarship if I take the advantage of being a University of Indonesia fresh graduate. That made sense, really, because if I work first and search for scholarships later, the institution backing me up will be the place I been working for, not my college.

Yet, like I've recently been whining about, yea I'm not yet ready to face the cruelty of working. Taking 6 months off looking for the best scholarship while doing some freelance jobs, set myself free for a while while also traveling, the idea sounds like the best right?!

Until mom got in touch with her one of her old friend, it was the best idea indeed. So this friend of hers has two sons that started their undergraduate program after two years working, and of course, she convinced mom to have me do the same way. Now you know what happened next. I changed my mind again.

Shoot.

I'm really, seriously just one step away entering adulthood.

Yesterday was like, where should we go for summer break?

And today it's like... Like...

I'm lost

I Knew It

Months ago, when I was still in search of an internship program, I convinced myself that I didn't have to be worried because somehow, on May 17th, some good news would come to me. I don't know why, the date has always been so sacred to me. I can't recall what had happened on previous May 17th. I could just sense it.

But that's not what I'm going to share now.

It's about the fact that I was totally right guessing.

A call from BBDO on May 17th 2013, yea it proved it all.

Since after, I stopped worrying about internship. I stopped following up McCann -whom apparently, is the best agency now in Indonesia. I didn't even change my mind knowing that Ogilvy would only accept me if I took the 3 months long program -while I only had 2 free months for internship. It's like, I fought my best to keep BBDO as the place I would learn more about advertising. I was so sure that I'd obtain something beyond my other friends could get from their agencies.

And again, I was right.

It's not because I got more knowledge than my friends,

Not because I earned more money -I didn't even get a cent,

Not at all because I was offered a permanent position at the agency.

No.

It was more because I completed this vision, this belief,

Of how the professional world really works.

I'm not ready.

So not ready about it.

It kept bugging me lately. About how finally I have to leave college. Leave the phase where twice a year, I can get the hell out of those regular activity and do some fun stuff like, go solo traveling. Leave the freedom. To a monotone working shift where weekends are my only holiday. Where coworkers can easily become my arch enemies. Or already become ones, without me knowing it.

And no one will ever going to be there to help me, but myself.

I'm not ready.

So not ready about it.

Now you know Andy Davis.

The kid from Toy Story trilogy.

We share many things in common.

Grew up together, terribly in love with toys,

We even went to college on the same exact year.

Image of Andy is from here.

Right now, he must've been facing the same issue with me.

I wonder how he reacts about this

After All, You'll Always Be My Second Home

Yang namanya semester tua itu biasanya jumlah mata kuliah yang diambil makin sedikit. Semester ini gue udah semester 6. Semester genap terakhir sebelum gue lulus. Semester tua.

Jadilah gue cuma kuliah 7 mata kuliah, 3 hari. 3 hari...

"Sudah saatnya gue keluar dari kosan."

Kuliah cuma 3 hari, 4 hari sisanya libur. Gamungkin gue gak pulang ke Gading. Ya... Batin tidak bisa dibohongi. Tekad gue bulat untuk pulang ke pangkuan ayah ibu di rumah. Sudah saatnya gue keluar dari kosan.

Hhhh, kosan itu. Kamar sepetak yang adem, tapi akhir akhir ini sumpek dan pengap. Rumah pewe yang tadinya jalanan di sekitarnya tentram nan damai macem di kampung, tapi sekarang udah dipenuhin proyek ini itu yang gajelas. Emang semesta mendukung gue keluar dari kosan.

Tapi gak semudah itusih keluar. Bukan cuma karena ribet barang barangnya yang banyak aja, tapi karena kenangannya yang, aduh, ngaco deh haha. Kenangan dengan diri sendiri, lebih tepatnya -mengingat tetangga tetangga kosan gue sangat misterius dan aneh bikin gue gamau gaul sama mereka.

I don't know why, I feel like I grew a lot more mature and learned a lot more lesson along my stay at that freakin room. I tasted a piece of real life and managed to understand people more. But on top of all, I explored so much more about myself, after that room gave me all those lectures.

Lectures of warmth, joy, laughter, tear, shelter, survival, intrigue, protection.

Ahh, selamat tinggal, kamar laknat ku.
Semoga penghuni mu selanjutnya lebih baik daripada diriku.

Lebih sering ngebersihin dirimu -gak cuma satu semester dua kali, lebih beradab kalo lagi nginep -gak suka telanjang bulet, lebih tenang dan anteng -gak suka nyanyi nyanyi di depan kaca dan neriakin cewek cewek seberang kosan kalo mereka udah mulai ribut, dan yang paling penting, jauh lebih setia -gak ditinggal seminggu tiga hari :')

It was so hard to say goodbye to you yesterday, I admit it.

So my boarding house...

The place where I grew at,

The place where I screw with,

Thank you :)

A Tale of a Miserable Moaning Little Boy

it's getting heavier day by day. yes, my college stuffs. well, the amount of time spent for studying is way less than the high school one. but things to be done right after classes... phew, those are upside-down-ing my life

no, i'm not trying to groan here. it's even fun for sure. i can explore my abilities and interests, hang with new friends around me, spend my night together rather than be alone at home. that's cool, isn't it?

but still, there's a single fvckin thing i just can't deal with...

i AM NOT able to sync myself to this new world

"So scared of getting older

I'm only good at being young"

that's what uncle John Mayer said in one of his songs

and it fits me now. totally does

so last week was the second week in the row that i couldn't go back home to jakarta. and i was so down. couldn't meet my family was a total nightmare for me

okay, two weeks. only two. lots of my friends couldn't see their family more than that. but they can survive. it had me thinking of... how if i was in their situation?

gosh, can't imagine it

i know i've got to move on

i need to get used to this sort of situation

"Singing stop this train

I wanna get off and go home again

I can't take the speed it's moving in

I know I can't

Cause now I see

I'll never stop this train"

but not now, please

i ain't ready