Mohamed Salah

I know.

I may not be the biggest fan.

I may not be the most loyal one either.

I may not always be in front of the screen to watch each and every single of his games, but, I've seen him since his very first day. I've followed his amazing growth with the team. I've been in the ups and downs of the club with him in it until finally, I realized I've grown love towards him.

Mohamed Salah

Pic's from here.

It's been a joy to have him in Liverpool. The team made some progress with the arrival of Klopp, but he completed everything. And God he was not only shining within the club, but throughout the league, the nation, the continent, the world, he stole everybody's attention! Scoring 32 goals alone in Premier League, effectively made himself to be the cup's top scorer, then winning awards after awards all in just one year after joining Liverpool, and not to mention his sun-bright achievements at international level for Egypt, well this paragraph summarizes why we love you, Mo!

And let's not forget that he is a Muslim. That alone makes me feel like we have additional bond, beyond just our Liverpool roles -he's the player, I'm the watcher, haha. I've always had respect to famous Muslim footballers, which usually got disappointed because not a few of them began to lose their Muslim identity thanks to the fame they got. But I don't think he'd do that, because unlike them who are mostly from the land of Europe, he's from the Arab world, and I'm sure he'll fight for his belief as he fights for his team. A true champion indeed.

And oh, speaking of champion, it makes me remembered something—wait, "something"? It's not just "something". It's actually the core reason why I'm writing this post for him, so why did I miss this!? Ah well okay let's get into it:

The Champions League.

Something Liverpool has been so in an extreme ups and downs for the recent years. But his arrival made it seem possible, and brought fresh air to the whole club. What he did in England, he did it in Europe. Second best goalscorer only one spot below Cristiano Ronaldo, that's NOT BAD at all! And I saw every—well, no, MOST of his games! Up til' the one against Porto, against City, against Roma...

For the last 8 years of being an on and off fan of Liverpool, I don't remember myself feeling so much hopeful and confident as I was on last year's Champions League. We made it to final, with him on squad, and battling title holder Real Madrid didn't seem really frightening at all.

I was so sure that it'd be the time I had been waiting for since I picked Liverpool as the club I'd love to cheer on. Those 10 goals he made in the league will be paid off, topped with sweet victory over the Spaniard giant, completed his brightness in England. Then with the World Cup just around the corner, his performance will be really anticipated, and extremely adored.

Such a scenario only to be seen in a dream ya?
Well it could've really been a dream come true,

If Sergio Ramos weren't ever born.

Or if he wasn't played during that devastating Champions League final between Liverpool and Real Madrid. That low key bastard. I swear I never had a grudge so big towards somebody I don't personally know before. But this man deserves all the hatred from everybody. It's not a secret that the guy plays dirty all the time, but to do it to Salah, while he's on his prime career, the asshole picked just not the right time to be an asshole he usually is. Pathetic loser. I'm running out of ideas I don't know any other cunt-like names to refer him to, because I think I've used everything.

The moment it was all starting to crumble. Pic's from here.

The foul Ramos made on that match, that caused Salah's dislocated shoulder, it ruined it all. The dream Salah's been building for the last one year for Liverpool. The hope Liverpudlians have been slowly growing for this whole season. The ultimate wish to finally reach the highest podium on Europe by regaining the title we hadn't won for 13 years, yea it was all ruined by that one filthy move. But let's not be selfish. Some millions other people suffer greater loss from Salah's injury.

Yes, the Egyptians.

With Salah, they progressed beyond belief internationally. Earning a spot at World Cup 2018 marked their 3rd entrance to the tournament, while breaking their 28 years curse after their last appearance. I can't imagine how ecstatic the whole nation were, because even I was so excited when I found out that Egypt, a team I never seen in my life fighting in a World Cup, would grace the tournament with their superstar Mo Salah, a player we all adore.

But with Sergio Ramos, the dream was swept away in just a matter of minutes. Salah's injury remained serious, despite all the positive air published in media. He missed Egypt's opening game against Uruguay, a match where Salah was supposed to be starring with pride on his first ever World Cup campaign. They eventually lost, though it wasn't a big loss, but still, I couldn't imagine how it was like being an Egyptian...

Salah was finally included in the lineup against hosts Russia for their Group A Matchday Two. I swear the whole world was so psyched seeing him about to play again, as he was the sole headline and main topic of any media and any commentator. However, it's pretty clear that he was still suffering. The injury was real, and it was obvious to see it from how he played.

It was a nightmare to see the match. To see Egypt raided by Russia, whose supporters make them three times stronger, was not a nice thing to watch. To see Salah, who usually played like a hungry beast, was so spineless and fragile, was like seeing a helpless little kitten in the middle of a raging thunderstorm. And to see the Egyptian supporters, whom two months ago was still hopeful to go far in this World Cup, seeing their national dream crumbling before their own eyes, I swear Ramos,

I never had a grudge so big towards somebody I don't personally know before, never but YOU.

It was really heartbreaking.
For me, for us Liverpudlian,
For those hopeful Egyptians...

I REALLY WANNA HUG HIM AND LET HIM KNOW THAT HE STILL
GOT US SUPPORTING HIM!!! Pic's from here.

Oh, Egypt :(

Liverpool can still repeat their glory immediately next season, after this World Cup nightmare ends. But you guys, only God know when you can get to feel this blessing again. Well Salah's still 25, and he's got a promising future before him, and let's not be pessimistic about other potentials we may discover in upcoming years, given the fact that Salah must have really inspired so many talented Egyptian youngsters. But it's just so unfortunate that this big once-in-a-lifetime opportunity has to be gone so quickly, because a fucking ignorant bitch sabotaged your national hero.

His tears that night in Kiev wasn't only his. It was all ours too. Really heartbreaking, really dream-shattering. He really didn't deserve all these, but I think it's obvious as it happens everywhere... good people has lots of haters waiting to destroy them.

But as we all know from what our religion taught us,
Allah never gives obstacle beyond His creature's capabilities.

So dream on, Egypt.
And dream on, our hero,
Mohamed Salah

I'm Sorry, Captain

It took exactly three nights to get over it.
Not completely moved on, but at least it feels easier now.

Vicky Amin presents

I will never stop saying this before I start talking about Liverpool: I’m not the biggest fan. It’s not like I always watch every single game, keep up to every single updates. No. But at least I’m not a fake one. I know the players, I know the theme song, but most importantly I didn’t turn my back when the squad was down on their knees. And I’m not that kind of fan when people ask who my favorite player in Liverpool is, and I expectedly answer “Steven Gerrard.”

Well.

Steven Gerrard is, and will always be—in default, the favorite player of any Liverpudlian all over the globe. I’ve known him long ago, when I was still loving Milan, and he played for Liverpool already. Then I turned to support for The Reds in 2010. Ups and downs, with swifts in managers and legends started departing, leaving Gerrard the only classic Liverpool key left behind. But still no matter what happened, he got a good grip of the whole team, and served the most entertaining performances for the supporters.

Honestly, after Carragher left and Gerrard became the last player of Liverpool squad playing in Istanbul 2005, I’ve been having this instinct that our captain will be leaving in no time. Could be because he’s retiring, or because he’s just tired of Liverpool, or he gets amazing offers from other clubs—could literally be anything, I don’t know what, but the thing is, he’ll eventually leave.

I’m actually okay with that. With him leaving. He’s been beyond loyal to Liverpool and his devotion to the club is not questioned. It's hard, but totally tolerable. What hurt me bad was, his last two games.

Gerrard’s final match at Anfield two weeks ago was considered as the closure of his career with Liverpool. Of course, it’s a home game. The celebration was touching, the drama was epic, what went wrong was only the fact that Liverpool lost. But I was fine with that. At least he’s got his supporters for that, so either win or lose, he’d leave Anfield with endless salute. Plus, he’s still got his true one last game a week after so... There was still a chance to close his Liverpool story with nice ending.

But then, you know what happened.
Liverpool lost, big time—it’s like, raped.

After the game ended, I was just there, sitting in front of my laptop throughout a slowly-creeping, endless and quiet 15 minutes, doing nothing. Nothing but to think how is it like to be Gerrard right now.

Well I cried, honestly and I don't think I have to hide it. I cried, dramatically. When all 6 goals flashed behind Mignolet's back, when Charlie Adam celebrated over his goal to his ex-team, when Gerrard scored his last goal in Premier League ever. But of course my worse tear fell when the final whistle blew. When Gerrard clapped to honor his surroundings like a true legend, while everybody else was mocking him and his horrible last day in Liverpool.

I cried.

How could such thing happened to a legend that big?

If I were one of Liverpool players. I couldn't apologize myself for letting my captain down. But now what am I? Just a fan who sometimes watch the game, sometimes not, sometimes I feel like I’m the one who care most about the team, sometimes I don’t even give a fuck…

So all I can do is just to write this pity note.

Stating how sorry I am for the tragedy, and wholeheartedly wishing you, my beloved Captain Steven Gerrard, to have a better career ahead in the United States.

I regret that I don’t have a jersey with your name on it.
I regret I didn’t watch you when you were in Indonesia.
Speaking for all the fan who feels the same,

I’m sorry, Captain.

A Kitty Letter

You might have forgotten, or have no idea at all, about my story when I gave up three of my lovely kittens. It was super hard, super heartbreaking and super... Oh Lord. Well that was supposed to be nothing because, at least, they are kept by someone else, other cat lovers, and they'd go on with their lives. Happily. It will be a different story when my cat,

Died.

It happened once. A sibling to those three I gave away. A kitten who was born super skinny, not really into eating, and after two weeks or so, passed away. I was devastated already, even though it was a really short meeting with him. This time, it's even harder.

His name is Iger.

This March he was, four months old. His first weeks living in this world were like a flash to me. He spent his time inside the cage, breastfed by his mother for about two months, and just when he began to start walking -which was pretty effort-ful because at first he couldn't walk at all he dragged his rear legs instead!- I had my trip to China.

Returning from Hong Kong, Iger, you turned to a loving brat already. And became my family's dear. Your energy, your super naughty-ness, running here and there, climbed the walls and stuff, we loved you so much. Despite your habit of destroying things and eating cooking oil from the pan.

By that time, the flood attacked Jakarta. Water came into our house it forced us to sleep at the upper story all together. Since you were so vulnerable, Iger, we had you slept with us inside the bedroom. On the same bed with me--no, on my pillow. It was really calming to hear you purred, sleeping peacefully next to me.

Since I was unemployed, I spent so much time with him. Bonding, doing stuff together. I know that meal time has always been his favorite. One second after I poured snacks over his small bowl, he would dump all his kitten face over the food and ate like a pig. Then he'd sleep in front of the front door, waiting for somebody to open it so he could swoosh out of the house. Doing nothing on the front yard just, observing the street.

I remembered when you fell into the ditch. All wet and stink. My brother bathed you and when I returned home to find out that incident, you were all cleaned already. Freshly sent to my room, tired because of what happened. I knew you felt so relaxed after the bath. You slowly fell asleep, smelling nice and tucked away. I was just there, sitting and enjoying how you nodded your tiny head to the floor.

And oh I remembered your first poop. It must've been shocking to you, eh? Having something out of your bottom, out of nowhere. You shouted in panic at the corner of the room oh my God, I giggled so hard remembering that moment. Since after that, you never even once did your 'thing' on the litter box. But we never scolded you, we never got mad at you, because we simply loved you.

But why Iger, you stopped eating several days ago. You kept throwing up, choking and gradually lost your energy. The on-fire Iger we knew, put out. It destroyed me, you know, inside out. It was just so not you. And I didn't like seeing that because somehow I knew, you'd be gone in no time.

And the day came.
Yesterday, you passed away.

It was a major turn down for my whole family. We never expected you to go that soon. Because it happened so fast, with no many cues.

First days after your death, Iger, it was really hard for me. I kept sniffing your smell. Your stinky smell of your dried fur sunbathed. I kept sensing a flash of you in every corner of the house. I kept reminiscing your presence in everything you used to do, you used to play, you used to sleep on.

I hate you, Iger.
For being too precious.
And left just when I love you.

I'm finishing this up now. It sucks to tell stories about your death and my misery that came after. It's better to leave it with the sweetness of having you.

I'm tired of crying

Meow

Have I told you that I, am a cat person?

Well, I'm forced to be a cat person. Long ago, and as I told you guys in a post too, my brother got us a cat, then got us another one. They're called Ebol and Ebul. We never actually had good experience in handling cats. But with these two, we learned.

Then one thing led to another. They formed a family on their own. Four adorable kittens, let's just call them "Batch One". Today, they're a year and a week old. Yea they had their birthday last week. One year raising these kittens from the very beginning up til now, we admit that we can't let even one of these cats go.

On May this year, Ebul gave birth to five more kittens we'll call it "Batch Two". One died -it crushed my heart really bad because he was so ugly but I was always by his side along his sickness days- and the other four grew healthy. Just when we thought we had enough, Ebul's daughter gave birth to three relatively-ugly kittens we'll call this "Batch Three".

So we had thirteen cats under one roof. Those crazy times, thank God I was still unemployed back then. Can't imagine if mom should do everything herself. So yea we began to deliberate about how to deal with this. Subconsciously we would've let Batch Three go because, umm ya you know, they're not good breeds. But really? Letting go of one month old kittens? I wouldn't forgive myself if that ever happened.

Then we had to face the truth.

Batch Two, consisting of four crazy cute cats,

Yea they should go. We really had no other choice.

It was really stressing. They were like, I took care of them my whole unemployment days. Unlike Batch One which I was still busy with campus stuff, with Batch Two, I saw these kittens grew before my very own eyes. 

They were inside the cage for one full month, sleeping with me, and with my American-Vietnamese friend who visited me, began exploring the out-cage areas during World Cup, then they grew and became very demanding kittens, screaming for milk when my family and I had our sahoor, we spent Eid together, I let them crash my bedroom like everyday, playing with my stuff and I'll be like, "oh shit, don't play there!", keeping them inside during their meal time because if they eat outside with the others, their food would be stolen by their bigger relatives...

Oh God...

Then all of the sudden Friday two weeks ago my brother's friends came to take two of them. I was screaming inside, grouching to myself "what the hell are these people thinking!? I raised them with so many pain in my asses and they're here now to take them away from me!?" but I had to. So two gone, two to go.

Until Sunday last week.

Yea, a week ago. Another friend of my brother's came to take one. My favorite one. The one who was dying and I was there to see him getting stronger and stronger. The one who was the weakest of all three, always becoming the object of bullying, got wrestled and choked, and all he could do was gasping. The one whose belly was weirdly warm, whose snore was the most adorable sound I ever heard from another God's creature. The one who always stopped while he was playing, walked into my room and just stood there with his big goofy eyes, kinda wishing to be grabbed and hugged. The one who... Shit, I'm literally crying now.

I don't wanna talk about how he finally left my house. It was the hardest thing to go through. I slept early that night just because I can't stand the heartbreaking moment. And it's still breaking me until now. Because remembering that he's alone in his new house, after all these months surrounded by twelve other cats, Lord, I hope at least he's living a good life so he doesn't even have to feel lonely.

Batch Two. And that who's staring at you, he's the one I felt so hard to let go

Fortunately, the last kitten of Batch Two remained here until today. We lost Ebul somehow, she never came back it's been more than a week. So we decided that she'll be Ebul's replacement. And the one that will remind us about her three leaving brothers.

Wow.

Never thought that having cats could cause such emotional troubles.

I learned a lot from this tho, that I am actually an animal person.

But in the future if I want to have pets, I have to make sure

That I only have one and no more

The Best Waste

Hi.

It's been a while since--duh, sorry I, I think it's gonna be a very touchy post so I'm using Indonesian now. You know, sometimes, well, most of the times I use English for just coolness sake. But if it's a real deal, Indonesian it is. Yea well I'm that kind of guy who--hey, kapan mulainya Vick? :)

Oke.

Ramadhan.

Sumpah beberapa bulan lalu, gue tau dan yakin banget kalo taun ini bakalan jadi Ramadhan paling seru yang bakal pernah gue jalanin seumur hidup. Karena sumpah, occasion yang benturan sama Ramadhan taun ini super duper banyak.

Pertama dan yang paling utama, ya, you know, World Cup 2014. Yang secara sukses bikin dua minggu awal puasa gue lewat gitu aja gak berasa. Jam tidur terbalik, malem dipake buat nonton bola, siang dipake buat tidur, sore dipake buat bikin postingan analisis pertandingan sepakbola mahadahsyat ala Rifky Ramadhan Amin. Sahur dan Subuh pun jadi lebih berwarna karena bola nya sendiri baru selesai at least jam 5 -kadang molor ampe jam 6 gegara extra time plus adu penalty. Thanks, but no thanks.

Kedua, you also know, Pilpres 2014. Minor sih, karena gue gak tertarik tertarik amet. Tapi mayan lah bikin puasa ini jadi lebih menggelitik. Membuat gue lebih kritis dan gak pasif meskipun lagi berkutat menahan lapar -sumpah ya, makin kesini puasa itu lebih berat nahan laper. Inget banget dulu pas kecil sok sok deklarasi bahwa puasa itu lebih susah nahan aus. Saking kritisnya, kadang pikiran suka negatif dan jadi mencak sana sini. Thanks, but no thanks.

Seru sih, emang, karena bikin segalanya jadi gak kerasa.

Hampir sama sekali gak kerasa malah. Apalagi ditambah ujan.

Mungkin kalian inget postingan gue taun lalu, menyatakan bahwa puasa taun lalu berasa jauh lebih cepet daripada puasa 2012 yang gue pikir udah kerasa cepet banget. Ya, puasa taun ini, yang bahkan gue di rumah aja gak kayak puasa dua taun sebelumnya dimana gue magang, menurut gue adalah yang paling cepet.

Dan paling sia sia.

Meskipun gue gak kerja, gue terlalu banyak ngadain buka bersama. Tarawih pun cuma ada di dua minggu awal aja. Itupun banyak bolongnya. Semalem, yang harusnya jadi tarawih terakhir, malah gue pake buat reunian sama temen temen SMA. Seneng sih kumpul sama mereka, cuman kalo dipikir pikir lagi... Gila kali ya, bayangin aja dari tanggal 15 Ramadhan sampe abis gue gak tarawih sama sekali...

Gausah deh yang berhubungan sama ibadah. Yang berhubungan sama kepentingan sendiri aja gue lupa. Inget taun lalu gue seneng dan berbunga bunga banget nungguin ulangtaun Hijriyah gue? Taun ini, gue bahkan baru inget kalo gue punya ulangtaun hijriyah, tepat satu hari setelahnya. Ya, yang berhubungan sama kepentingan sendiri aja gue lupa.

Sejujurnya gue udah sadar masalah ini sekitar 10 hari terakhir Ramadhan. Gue udah super niat ngajakin keluarga gue tarawih bareng lagi, tapi selalu diurungkan karena pasti anggotanya gak lengkap. Padahal gak ngaruh. Solat bertiga sama bokap nyokap aja pun sebenernya gapapa kan. Pun sekalinya lengkap, buka puasanya di luar. Sampe rumah jam 10, udah deh molos. Ya emang intinya keinginan gue buat ibadah itu minim.

Sampe akhirnya Jum'at kemarin, dua hari yang lalu, gue pergi solat Jum'at diiringi ujan. Dateng telat, seperti biasa, jadilah gue duduk di teras luar berbatasan dengan tampias air.

Sumpah ya, tanpa bermaksud lebay seperti yang biasa gue sampaikan dalam blog yang penuh becandaan ini, itu perasaan gue pas solat Jum'at, sejuk banget. Literally, metaphorically. Dari luar ditiup angin, dari dalem didengerin bacaan ayat suci. Udah gitu gue duduk di sebelah kakek kakek yang udah gabisa solat gerakan full, jadi harus sambil duduk di kursi lipet. Tekanan mental banget, karena gue jadi malu sendiri.

Plus, yang paling bikin gue remuk, adalah kenyataan bahwa Jum'at itu Jum'at terakhir Ramadhan taun ini. Bukti paling konkret yang nunjukkin bahwa yak, Rifky, secara resmi Ramadhan kamu tahun ini sia sia, semoga tahun depan lebih baik ya. Amin.

Percaya gak kalo gue bilang gue nangis pas solat?

Karena ya, kapan lagi bisa begini?

Belum tentu taun depan gue masih tinggal di Indonesia -Amin banget sih ini!

Belum tentu taun depan puasanya selalu diguyur ujan kayak sekarang.

Belum tentu taun depan... Gue ketemu lagi sama Ramadhan.

Kebanyakan belum tentu, tapi gue kayak yakin yakin aja buat nyia-nyiain Ramadhan taun ini. Sumpah ya, gapernah gue senyesel ini ninggalin Ramadhan. Gak perlu deh gue jadi super religius tarawih full, selalu di mesjid atau apalah. At least kayak standarnya gue aja lah... Itu udah cukup. Banget.

"Paling nggak kerasa."

Gak kerasa tiba tiba udah buka.

Gak kerasa tiba tiba udah mau Lebaran.

Gak kerasa suasana puasa dan ibadahnya...

Lord.

I swear this was the best Ramadan so far.

That I waste and never had

Dear Neighbor

I'm here, on behalf of my nation's youth,

Stating our deep condolences and support

Towards the current internal chaotic situation

Our fellow Southeast Asians have, in Bangkok.

My friend, my fellow Thai.

Sometimes it's no use, trying to collapse your nation's supremacy, it's no use. All you guys will have is riot. Havoc surrounds. Unwanted death might occur... You aware who will step aside from this kind of a mess? Tourists. And soon it'll harm your economy.

My friend, my fellow Thai.

Cool down all anger. Use your heart, not your head. I know government is a pain in the ass, I feel you. But think again. If they're all jackass, who would've been the brain? You citizens! Someone needs to think straight and shows who the one who has manners is! You aware who will pop off from a nation with no manner? Tourists. And soon you'll lose their trust.

Come on my friend, my fellow Thai.

Did you watch Pokemon The Movie back then? A song once sang "You don't have to be this way. Think about the consequences. Turn around and walk away." You do aware who will be walking away if you keep doing this, yes? Tourists! And soon you'll be broken in, side out!

Guys I'm begging you.

Don't make a fool decision.

Don't think about being destructive.

Don't you jeopardize all the potentials you have.

Peaceful Thailand pic, obtained from here.

Because you're captivating.

You possess amazing culture.

Magnificent goods soak within.

And I'll be there in two weeks :(

Where To?

You may noticed that lately, before the one-week vacuum, the posts I produced were all about childhood and childish stuff. Yea right, agree? I'm having this phobia of growing up...

When I stepped out of the trial room, it felt like
Okay this is it I'm free! I'm finally fvckin free!
Although the fact is, now I'm on the verge of

Getting into reality

Long ago I was so sure that after college I'll go straight to working. Then after a year or two, I'll be off to postgraduate stuff before I continue my professional world.

It was so firm until I talked to a friend, had my mind opened about how easy it would be for me to get a scholarship if I take the advantage of being a University of Indonesia fresh graduate. That made sense, really, because if I work first and search for scholarships later, the institution backing me up will be the place I been working for, not my college.

Yet, like I've recently been whining about, yea I'm not yet ready to face the cruelty of working. Taking 6 months off looking for the best scholarship while doing some freelance jobs, set myself free for a while while also traveling, the idea sounds like the best right?!

Until mom got in touch with her one of her old friend, it was the best idea indeed. So this friend of hers has two sons that started their undergraduate program after two years working, and of course, she convinced mom to have me do the same way. Now you know what happened next. I changed my mind again.

Shoot.

I'm really, seriously just one step away entering adulthood.

Yesterday was like, where should we go for summer break?

And today it's like... Like...

I'm lost

I Knew It

Months ago, when I was still in search of an internship program, I convinced myself that I didn't have to be worried because somehow, on May 17th, some good news would come to me. I don't know why, the date has always been so sacred to me. I can't recall what had happened on previous May 17th. I could just sense it.

But that's not what I'm going to share now.

It's about the fact that I was totally right guessing.

A call from BBDO on May 17th 2013, yea it proved it all.

Since after, I stopped worrying about internship. I stopped following up McCann -whom apparently, is the best agency now in Indonesia. I didn't even change my mind knowing that Ogilvy would only accept me if I took the 3 months long program -while I only had 2 free months for internship. It's like, I fought my best to keep BBDO as the place I would learn more about advertising. I was so sure that I'd obtain something beyond my other friends could get from their agencies.

And again, I was right.

It's not because I got more knowledge than my friends,

Not because I earned more money -I didn't even get a cent,

Not at all because I was offered a permanent position at the agency.

No.

It was more because I completed this vision, this belief,

Of how the professional world really works.

I'm not ready.

So not ready about it.

It kept bugging me lately. About how finally I have to leave college. Leave the phase where twice a year, I can get the hell out of those regular activity and do some fun stuff like, go solo traveling. Leave the freedom. To a monotone working shift where weekends are my only holiday. Where coworkers can easily become my arch enemies. Or already become ones, without me knowing it.

And no one will ever going to be there to help me, but myself.

I'm not ready.

So not ready about it.

Now you know Andy Davis.

The kid from Toy Story trilogy.

We share many things in common.

Grew up together, terribly in love with toys,

We even went to college on the same exact year.

Image of Andy is from here.

Right now, he must've been facing the same issue with me.

I wonder how he reacts about this

Good Deeds Turn Bad

No one ever doubt the usefulness of Wikipedia.

With Google by its side, they make a very helpful couple.

Just mention what you want to find, and Wiki will help you explain.

But -there's a but in every post.

Sometimes kind acts lead you to disappointment,

When you treat it wrong.

Long ago, I was so into Masterchef Australia. I stay tuned in each and every single episodes, said goodbye to the leaving contestants, one by one until it was down to the last two contestants -I even remember their names, it was Adam and Callum.  I never knew that the actual show had long finished before Star World aired it in Asia. So it was all, encore.

Just several days before the season finale, like an innocent little pig I browsed Wikipedia to cherish the previous moment and mourn the eliminated contestants. When on the entry, I over-read the section when they mentioned Adam as the winner. Feeling down? Yeah I was broken, but not as broke as what happened yesterday.

Once again, it's about The Hunger Games. Okay I'm sorry I can't help but keep talking about it. It's always been my nature to compulsively seek for information, articles, posters, videos, fanarts, and all maniac stuff about one thing, once I'm on a fiery love with that thing.

And yesterday was the day I regretted how corny my obsession is.

So I browsed Wiki and read the article about districts in Panem. What they are specialized about, and who the tributes they have. District one, with tributes of Marvel, Glimmer, Gloss, Cashmere, district two with Cato, Clove, Brutus, Enobaria, three with Beetee, Wiress, four, Finnick--okay. I stopped at Finnick Odair.

And why did I stop? Because I over-read that in Mockingjay, the third book of the trilogy, the book I am now halfway reading, Finnick died. I was like, Oh my God WHY DID I READ THAT?? Any chance that I didn't read that or, Wiki lies to me?? And yeah, there went my regrets.

Portrait of Finnick Odair was obtained from here.

It's like, I'm just several pages away from finding out that Finnick will die, 

And I'll be literally freaking out like he's actually one of my relatives,

And I'm gonna say something like

"Damn Suzanne Collins, you rock my ass!"

But now, I won't feel the desired euphoria.

Wikipedia successfully, proudly stole it for me.

Well umm, my impatience let Wiki stole it from me.

There, there...

Now let me summarize you the moral of the story:

Don't take good deeds for granted

This Is Harder Than High School

This year is a party time for football lovers. You know,

Arsenal will come, Chelsea will come, Liverpool will come...

Ah yes, Liverpool will come.

To Indonesia, to the land I'm staying at.

This could actually be like, you know, a chance for me to show the universe that I am trying to be a good fan of Liverpool. And um, this could be the only time for them playing here! I mean, WHEN ELSE WILL THEY BE COMING TO THIS CRAPPY COUNTRY!?

But... Yeah, there's a 'but'.

You know I'm not posting this story for a scrubby reason.

This is a real deal because, you know what, Pitbull will also come this year.

Yes, Pitbull. Again.

The all-time-fave-rapper-of-mine Pitbull.

He'll come. Again. And it gave me some hard times.

I know, I should've just pick Liverpool over Pitbull but... Got to admit, I adore the Cuban bastard much much more than all Liverpool players. Combined.

And the last time he came, well since I obtained his ticket for free, I couldn't help but promised myself that the next time he's coming to Indonesia, I won't risk my chance again by waiting for some stupid free tickets. I will just buy my own ticket instead. No matter how expensive it'll be. No matter what.

And now that he's coming again,

Along with the game of Liverpool,

I don't even know how to react.

Image of Captain Gerrard is from here, and Pitbull's from here.

I drool.

I drool like a mule.

Oh how could I dare to miss the duel

Of my favorite club, right before my stool?

But you know I won't say no to my lengua española fuel.

The guy who made me love to rap like a fool.

Argh, this is so uncool.

If only I have a gold pool,

I don't have to face this mull.

So, Liverpool or Pitbull?

God this bugs me deep into my skull

P.S. : I don't know why, but I have this feeling that somehow, eventually, I get to see both of them this year.
Just, Amen o Lord :')

Brag About Guilt

Have you ever heard of term "gaenakan"? It's like, you want to do something, or you want to stand against something, whatever it is as long as it's related to others, and you feel guilty about it... That is "gaenakan".

Well I suffer that. I always try my best to please people. Set their mood on their best place. Show my sorry to everybody I did wrong to, even a tiny little mistake, by making it up to them so perfect and smooth, they don't even realize I'm actually paying back my faults. And I never brag about that.

While in fact, people piss me off their whole life. I'm talking about everybody. My family, my friends, everybody. They don't even know that when I do such things to them, I'd feel guilty as hell. They don't know, because I never brag about that.

People just take "gaenakan" people for granted.

They know we're too soft, too gentle to fight back,

So yeah, nothing to lose, then they use us.

I guess I know why that happens.

We never brag about that, that's why.

Sometimes I wanna be mad, I wanna be rough. I wanna be the one who's concerned, not who concerns. I wanna be the one who's waited for, not who waits for others. I wanna be the one who apologizes, not the one whom apologized to.

I wanna make mistakes,
Let people down, and
Never feel bad about it.

But I can't be mad, I can't be rough.

All because I'm feeling guilty way too much.

I know it harmed me a lot, but I just can't help it.

Maybe I should feel guilty for myself

Rough Street Saga

I will never forget today.

March 7th, 2013. The day of traffuck.

Serius, hari ini jalanan kayak be'ol. Keluar rumah macet. Abis lampu merah masuk Perintis Kemerdekaan macet. Masuk Cempaka Putih macet. Keluar Cempaka Putih Macet. Keluar Cipinang macet. Masuk Pemuda macet. Nyari jalan tikus di Pondasi macet. Depan Sevilla macet. Depan Superindo Pulomas macet. Eh gila kali ya!?

Udah gitu yang paling apes, gue nyerempet mobil orang. Keluarga Batak gatau diri yang culas. Untung nyokap jago nego, master silat lidah -sumpah ya, ilmu ini mesti banget gue dapetin dari nyokap- sehingga masalah cepat selesai meski keluar uang 200rb -Mom, Dad, I swear I'll repay this, and if possible, double.

But with what happened today, now I'm sure--no.

Now I'm WHOLEHEARTEDLY, UNDOUBTEDLY sure that:

Virtual karma does exist

Jadi pas sebelum kejadian serempetinawati itu, gue ngetweet begini, "Jalanan kayak t*i, mobil mobil kayak ta*, terkutuklah lalu lintas Jakarta siang ini." Dan nyatanya, bukan lalu lintas Jakarta aja yang terkutuk, tetapi gue pun terkutuk sehingga terjadilah kejadian sebagaimana tersebut diatas.

Ruined mood ruins all

Sebelum berangkat, mood gue sebenernya udah gak beres. Pas di mobil, makin gak beres sama semua ketidakberesanperlalulintasan Jakarta itu. Ditambah lagi, nyokap mendikte segala gerak-gerik gue di belakang bangku kemudi. Feel me?

Staying calm helps

Dulu di kampus, sebuah quotes bijak beredar di circle gue. "Kalo lo nggak deg-degan, berarti gak kejadian apa-apa." Nah itu gue terapin tadi pas si bapak Batak minta gue buat menepi setelah nyerempet. Gue stay calm, stay cool, stay cute -padahal dalam hati udah ketir mau kabur dari Jakarta- dan Alhamdulillah segalanya diperlancar oleh Allah SWT.

I'll move out of the country. Very soon.

Orang lokal itu brengsek. Licik. Picik. Kasar. Oportunis. Aji mumpung. Kampungan. Jujur kalo disuruh milih pengen jalan di sekitar crowd orang Jawa atau crowd Chinese, gue lebih milih yang kedua. Makanya gue doyan tinggal di Gading. Dan gue bertekad banget buat pindah keluar. Malaysia kek, Singapur kek. Dimanapun itu, gue bakal pindah kesana sampe masyarakat Jakarta, plus kondisi dan segala kekacauan yang ada di dalamnya, udah gak seliar sekarang.

Otherwise, I'll hire a driver

Kalopun gue gak bisa ninggalin Indonesia, gue bakal nyewa supir. Gue gamau tiap hari ngantor ngadepin macet dulu. Pulang ngadepin macet lagi. Mending gue bayar orang buat menuntun gue menghadapi kerasnya lalu lintas DKI. Toh duit gue bakal banyak ini -Amin Ya Rabb, AminAllah!!

Udah seyakin itu.

Pelajaran hari ini bikin gue udah seyakin itu.

But there is one last thing

That I'm positively very sure of.

It is that my mother, my supermom,

Is the best woman ever

After All, You'll Always Be My Second Home

Yang namanya semester tua itu biasanya jumlah mata kuliah yang diambil makin sedikit. Semester ini gue udah semester 6. Semester genap terakhir sebelum gue lulus. Semester tua.

Jadilah gue cuma kuliah 7 mata kuliah, 3 hari. 3 hari...

"Sudah saatnya gue keluar dari kosan."

Kuliah cuma 3 hari, 4 hari sisanya libur. Gamungkin gue gak pulang ke Gading. Ya... Batin tidak bisa dibohongi. Tekad gue bulat untuk pulang ke pangkuan ayah ibu di rumah. Sudah saatnya gue keluar dari kosan.

Hhhh, kosan itu. Kamar sepetak yang adem, tapi akhir akhir ini sumpek dan pengap. Rumah pewe yang tadinya jalanan di sekitarnya tentram nan damai macem di kampung, tapi sekarang udah dipenuhin proyek ini itu yang gajelas. Emang semesta mendukung gue keluar dari kosan.

Tapi gak semudah itusih keluar. Bukan cuma karena ribet barang barangnya yang banyak aja, tapi karena kenangannya yang, aduh, ngaco deh haha. Kenangan dengan diri sendiri, lebih tepatnya -mengingat tetangga tetangga kosan gue sangat misterius dan aneh bikin gue gamau gaul sama mereka.

I don't know why, I feel like I grew a lot more mature and learned a lot more lesson along my stay at that freakin room. I tasted a piece of real life and managed to understand people more. But on top of all, I explored so much more about myself, after that room gave me all those lectures.

Lectures of warmth, joy, laughter, tear, shelter, survival, intrigue, protection.

Ahh, selamat tinggal, kamar laknat ku.
Semoga penghuni mu selanjutnya lebih baik daripada diriku.

Lebih sering ngebersihin dirimu -gak cuma satu semester dua kali, lebih beradab kalo lagi nginep -gak suka telanjang bulet, lebih tenang dan anteng -gak suka nyanyi nyanyi di depan kaca dan neriakin cewek cewek seberang kosan kalo mereka udah mulai ribut, dan yang paling penting, jauh lebih setia -gak ditinggal seminggu tiga hari :')

It was so hard to say goodbye to you yesterday, I admit it.

So my boarding house...

The place where I grew at,

The place where I screw with,

Thank you :)

I'm Oh So Done!

Friday, November 30th 2012

Maybe the best day of the entire 5th semester,

I suppose.

So you knew about Jiffy Jive. I was in charge of the opening performance -which turned out to be a fashion dance- AND the honor to be the admin of the event's twitter. Those are quiet much jobs for one person, eh? Ho. Ho. Ho. Not for me.

At the same time, I was asked to handle the publication and design of another big big event called Barata Dwipantara. That was an event of feature, photography and poster competition of Indonesian travelling. And there was a talk show by the end of the event, which was yesterday. Oh, for your information, I never had any experiences about this division. And once I had the chance, I was the coordinator :')

Anyway that's just not all. Although I have some men who were in charge of this, I was also taking care of the event's twitter! Can you imagine that? Two crucial positions at two big events, with two twitter accounts under my control?

Hectic, yes but... I did learn a lot.

About fashion. About publication strategy. About clothing line. About media partnership. About British slang. About digital designs. About life. About choices. About priorities. About hard work. About coordination. About... Cherish.

Thank God.

I made it, I survived.

And I worked with the best team.

Now I really need some time off.
Like no more committee things for now!

But still...

Friday, November 30th 2012

Was the best day of the entire 5th semester,

I'm pretty sure about that

P.S. : I swear I'm gonna post pictures of my co-workers. Soon enough.

Once Upon A Time

Dahulu kala, hiduplah seorang lelaki muda idaman diriku. Rambutnya unyu bergelombang, tubuhnya kurus macem susunan tulang. Meski begitu, dia lincah dan sering olahraga. Yaa bukan olahraga macem futsal atau basket sih, tapi paling nggak dia punya hasrat untuk bergerak.

Bukan raganya aja yang sehat, imannya juga kuat. Rajin solat, rajin ibadat. Otak pun diberi asupan yang cukup. Hampir tiap minggu jajan buku di Gramedia. Kebanyakan emang buku hiburan, tapi paling nggak dia masih nyisihin waktu buat baca tulisan lewat kertas, bukan gadget.

Siapa sih dia?

Vicky namanya.

Iye, gue. Gue yang jaman dulu tepatnya. Gue yang masih segar bugar, yang tidur lebih dari jam 12 itu gue anggep dosa, yang masih bisa bangun pagi buat jogging atau latian Parkour, gue yang seharinya paling sedikit solat 4 kali, yang doa-doanya lengkap banget selesai solat.

Ya gitu deh. Gue ngerasa akhir-akhir ini kualitas manusiawi gue menurun. Terutama masalah tidur. Sekarang paling cepet tidur itu jam 1 malem. Bangun jam 8, turun ke kamar nyokap trus lanjutin lagi sampe sesuatu dalam diri gue teriak, "EGILA KALI LO YE, BANGUN!" baru deh gue bangun.

Trus olahraga. Jujur gue seneng banget latian Parkour. Tapi setelah bulan Juni, setelah pulang dari Singapur, udah gitu selama libur gue magang, selalu aja ada alesan buat gue gak ke Senayan. Apalagi abis motor dijual. Magerwati deh pagi-pagi bangun trus busway-an kesana, pulang naik bis lagi dengan badan lengket penuh kotoran dan rerumputan.

Padahal tiap Minggu gue selalu baca tweet anak-anak yang baru ikutan Parkour, mereka kayak seneng-seneng euforia anak baru gitu kan trus gue jadi semacem ketampar gitu. Tapi yaudah cuma ketampar sama janji-janji palsu minggu besok mau latian lagi aja. Pas Minggu dateng lagi, boro-boro bangun buat latian. Mau bangun dengan motivasi nonton Sinchan aja gak mempan :'(

Masalah buku juga. Udah lama banget gue gak beli buku. Dulu tuh gue inget banget gue punya amplop uang yang isinya khusus buat beli buku doang. Trus gue beli komik The Simpsons yang gapernah gue baca dan akhirnya cuma buat koleksi doang.

Tapi...

Hari ini semacem dapet angin surga gitu. Intermezzo aja sih, hari ini cuaca bersahabat banget. Pagi-pagi gerimis sabi gitu, siangnya adem ayem. Agak sorean gue ke Gading dengan riang gembira dan pulang jalan kaki nenteng kantong plastik isi buku.

Ya, akhirnya gue beli buku lagi. Soal branding yang gatau kenapa akhir-akhir ini gue jadiin salah satu tujuan hidup gue nanti selain jadi Copywriter.

Nah mungkin ini bisa jadi turning point buat gue. Siapa tau aja tiba-tiba ntar malem gue tidur jam 10, bangun jam 5 trus gapake mager gue naik busway ke Senayan buat latian Parkour kan? Yaa siapa tau loh, siapa tau.

Now this post is getting nowhere, unthemed.

Yea well after all, what I'm trying to say is

I miss the old me

Image source: here.

When The World's Against You

I assume that you all know 9GAG. Yes, that global boredom killer website that when you're browsing that, you'll be feeling like enjoying your own story of your life.

Cause it talks so much about the golden age of 90s.

Cause it tells you your daily facts that you're barely aware of.

Cause it hates so much about Justin Bieber and all those Twilight saga.

Then it makes you feel like the whole universe is on your side. You bookmarked it on your desktop, and installed the app inside your smartphone. Your life is all about the web.

Until finally, you realized that one of your idol was started to be made fun of on that site. The role model you've been idolized lately, and you're still so in love with.

Yes, 9GAG hates Pitbull.

http://9llo89.wordpress.com/2012/02/09/spazio-musica-del-9-febbraio-2012-no-pitbull-no-party/

This can not be.

Everybody knows how much I love that Cuban man. Everybody knows how effort-ful my story was when that Mr Worldwide thing came here to Jakarta. Everybody knows how uncomfortable I am when I found out that my juniors' dancing group's catchphrase is 'Dale!'

And now that the part of my life is confronting my idol,

All I can do is preparing for some counterattacks.

Pitbull's not that bad. Pitbull's not ruining everybody else's songs by get featured with. Pitbull's not violating the music industry by mixing English and Latino.

It's not the fact that Pitbull's appearance is almost everywhere that bugged you, 9GAGers.

It's the fact that you're not Pitbull, that disturbed you and had you insulting him.

Think again :)

My Beat, My Rhythm of The Street

"The unsung hero."

Sadar atau nggak, pasti ada satu atau dua hal di hidup kita yang gak kita ngeh pertolongannya. Dan klise nya, pas hal itu udah gak ada, baru kita sadar betapa kita sebenernya butuh banget sama itu hal.

Kayak motor gue.

Honda Beat oranye taun 2009. Dibeliin bokap pas gue naik kelas 3, mengingat gue bakal sibuk bolak balik sekolah - tempat les - rumah, menjelang UAN dan kawan-kawannya. Bukan cuma jadi temen seperjuangan buat gue, tapi juga buat beberapa temen gue. Bahkan saking sayangnya mereka, motor gue ini dikasih nama Bumblebeat :')

Kita udah sedeket itu. Gue sama Bumblebeat. Doi udah tau lah rahasia rahasia gue. Gimana sering teledor nya gue di jalan. Gimana gak aware nya gue sama pengendara sekitar. Gimana gue sering curi-curi tidur kalo lagi boncengin si Mpi balik ke rumahnya.

Doi juga ngerti banget gimana senggak bisa itu gue berdiam diri pas lagi nyetir. Segala nyanyian, ocehan, renungan, celaan, bacotan, hinaan, gerutuan, penyaluran ide, pujian, syukuran... Semuanya udah pernah gue tumpahin di atas itu motor.

Sampe akhirnya gue masuk masa kuliah.

Kita udah gak seintim itu. Paling banter jalan bareng cuma pas weekend. Sisanya dimonopoli sama adek gue. Ke sekolah, ke rumah temennya, kemana, kemana. Bahkan kadang sebelum gue pake, gue harus nanya dulu itu motor mau dipake apa nggak. Padahal motor motor gue. Di STNK nama masih nama gue.

Dan yang namanya anak bocah, apalagi belom pernah dibeliin motor sebelumnya, pasti bakalan minta dibeliin yang baru. Karena di rumah motor udah ada tiga, jadi kalo mau beli yang baru salah satu harus dijual. So yea, our last days finally came.

Bumblebeat pun masuk forum jual beli online. Awalnya gue masih santai-santai aja. Tapi gatau kenapa, mungkin Tuhan berencana lain, baru beberapa hari dipasang online motor gue langsung banyak yang lirik.

Sampe akhirnya minggu lalu rumah gue didatengin calon pembeli pertama. Dan terakhir. Dan status 'calon' pun ilang. Ya, Bumblebeat langsung dibawa pergi hari itu juga.

Patah hati. Banget. Udah dari kapan tau gue ngerencanain kalo itu motor mau dijual, sehari sebelumnya gue bakal keliling dulu sama temen-temen gue yang kenal baik sama doi. Tapi ternyata jual motor gak se-high-involving jual mobil. Jadilah gue pun... Telat.

Ya sudahlah. Apa mau dikata.

My laziness in taking pictures, had me got these three as the only pictures of Bumblebeat :'

That motorbike, that mighty steed.

Thanks for every trip we've been through.

I'll see you again down the road, with the new rider

But with the same beat you've always got :)

Now Tell Me, When Could I?

I participated in some writing contest held by Australian Embassy for Indonesia. Well it was so spontaneous, I knew the info from my senior's tweet and I happened to tried my luck.

Several weeks ago, a Facebook account named "Kedubes Oz" added me. I was so shocked, mesmerized and got happily panic. I wondered how could this kind of account, out of nowhere, wanted to be my friend. Yet on the same time something really really tiny inside me convinced me that I won the prize.

Well, that was half true. I was titled as one out of ten finalists who were still competing for the trip. And I got a whole lot more excited. I was one step closer to the island of Kangaroo. Just needed to answer several questions they asked and matched my schedule with theirs and... Ahoy Matey, Welcome to Aussie!

But um... I lost, as usual.

I know I have no luck in this kind of things.

Competitions, contests, lucky draws, shits...

Now I started questioning myself.

Am I really good in this?

Is this really my call?

If yes, now please tell me

When could I?

Help

So it's November already.
And my blog hasn't found its former passion, eh?

3 posts on August,
2 posts on September and
An only post on October

What? Will it be zero this month?
Well if i didn't write this junk post, at least until today IT IS zero.

Really, something is wrong.
I lost much about some of my passion.
In writing, in college, in life.

Somebody please,
I need to escape.
Like right now.
Help me

Get Some, Lose Some, And That's Life

so i happened to obtain something new in my life
and for God's sake, i love it so much

but recently, i felt like some things that used to belong to me start losing one by one
and those are things around me, things that i need to survive

this may be my fault too, my weakness as well
but please, God, i can't live it
it's way too difficult