Hello, Ex

You guys probably know about my so-called obsession in football.

Well, I’m a mediocre tho, but I do have a team I’m putting myself on their side: Liverpool. But if you’ve been so loyal to me that you never missed any of my post –which I’m sure none of you have, you knew that I began supporting Liverpool since 2010 right?

Now, do you know what, who, or which one I did support for like, eight, nine years ago? You don’t? Oh—you don’t care? Well you have to, because you’ve read this far you can’t step back.

It was Kaka, and AC Milan.

One big happy pic, taken from here.

The saga began since World Cup Germany 2006. I followed the whole Brazil’s games and Kaka’s performance was pretty entertaining to me. But they tragically lost against France and I dramatically cried upon the heartbreaking moment. WC ended, Italy won, and suddenly AC Milan came to my preference. AC Milan as a whole, not because Kaka was in there. I didn’t even know that Kaka played for Milan. Fate?

Frankly, post Germany 2006 was my very first time got seriously in deep love with –watching– football.

Serie A schedule back then was quiet unbeneficial for me as they mostly played during Italian night time which was super late midnight for me. To catch up with every game, I had to sleep early, set alarm and forced myself to wake up around 1 or 2 AM and watched the TV in the dark – well gotta admit that during my maniac time towards Milan, I was still sleeping with my brothers.

But it was a hell of a great time. I still remember every second of each night I wasted just to watch Milan. Every ups and downs stupid teenager emotions I expressed to myself, and the TV screen. The exact taste of certain chips I always had, plus every single drop of coffee I sipped to keep my eyes opened, yea, I remembered everything. But my adoration for Kaka, that’s what I cherished the most.

Aside his football playing skill, he was an incredible person. Religious, family-oriented, I looked up to him as if he was my very own older brother. But the greatest thing I like the most from him was, his way of living. Way of believing in himself and achieving his dream. Damn I was so freak back then. I never even played good football but I acted like he was my hero for not only the sport, but for all aspects in my life. I was crazy obsessed about him like, oh you wouldn’t believe all the weird things I did back then – which, for the love of God, I’ll never ever tell even to my closest friends.

I even had a magazine about him. Special edition, exclusively talking about him. I enjoyed every single page of it, especially the part when he mentioned that joining Milan had always been his long goal. And to show his grateful for the chance to finally be able to play for his dream team, he said that he wouldn’t ever consider moving out of Milan. Perseverance, and loyalty—could I fall more for him?

Couldn’t.

Because in 2009, he decided to move to Madrid.

This shattering a$$hole pic is from here.

Sounds too much, but it broke my heart. It showed me really clear that there’s no such thing as pure loyalty. Milan wasn’t that bad on that time so, why would he move? I subconsciously began hating him. And deep inside kind of hoping that he couldn’t be as bright as he was, when black-red stripes was still covering his body.

And umm, my honest prayer turned out to be working well eh?

Kaka didn’t make it well in Madrid and deep inside I was like, happy.

It’s been years but I couldn’t seem to move on that much. Even during Brazil 2014, I still felt super satisfied seeing him “struggling to get my attention back”.

But remembering the time I was still deeply in love with him, every ups and downs stupid teenager emotions I expressed to myself and the TV screen while watching him, the taste of grilled-salmon flavored chips I always had during his game, plus every single drop of coffee I sipped to keep my eyes opened while seeing him on pitch, well, I can’t lie, he is a part of me.

Because no matter how stupid and heartbreaking his decision was,

Apparently the things I adored back then from him,

Is getting more relevant to me.

And for that, I still love him.

Thank you, ex-idol.
And happy birthday